ALLYSHIP OR OPPORTUNISTS?????
Let's talk of how allyship is something deeply unsettling. Because suddenly when conversations about femicide rise, when statistics surface, when women begin naming their pain loudly and unapologetically, a certain kind of men appear. Not to listen. Not to hold space. But to interrupt by saying words like;
“To be fair, men are also killed.”
And just like that, the focus shifts.
But where were these voices before the reports?
Where were they when women were whispering their pain in corners, when survivors were silenced by shame, when gender-based violence was normalized inside homes, relationships and communities?
Let’s be honest this isn’t allyship. It’s reaction. And worse, it’s competition.
Because if men were truly allies, their outrage wouldn’t be seasonal. It wouldn’t depend on trending hashtags or viral reports. It wouldn’t arrive only when women are finally being heard. True allyship is consistent. It is uncomfortable. It exists even when there is no spotlight. But what we often see instead is performative disruption.
Women begun to speak after years, decades, generations of silence and instead of being met with support, they are met with deflection.
“Men go through it too.”
No one said they don’t.
The question is why have you been quiet about it?
Why does your voice only rise in response to women’s voices? Why is your pain only articulated when it can be used to dilute, derail or compete with women’s experiences?
Take gender-based violence as an example.
Yes, men experience violence. That is real. That is valid. But if that pain is real, why is it not organized? Why is it not loudly resisted? Why is it not documented with the same urgency women have fought to create?
Women did not wake up one day and find systems ready to listen to them. They built those spaces. They risked everything reputation, safety, relationships to speak out. They broke silence that patriarchy demanded they keep.
So when men say, “we go through it too,” the question isn’t whether it’s true.
The question is:
Why have you waited for women to create the language, the platforms, the movements only to step in and center yourselves? These are the same reasons why we have to decenter men.
Patriarchy does not just harm women it conditions men. It teaches men that vulnerability is weakness. That speaking out is shameful. That pain must be swallowed. And yes, that silence exists.
But here is the uncomfortable truth:
Being conditioned into silence does not excuse choosing silence especially when that silence turns into noise only to undermine others. Because now, that silence is no longer passive. It becomes strategic. It becomes weaponized.
Women speaking out about femicide, about GBV, about systemic violence is not an invitation for debate. It is not a competition for who suffers more. It is not a moment to center male pain. It is a moment to listen. To sit with discomfort.
To ask: What role do I play in this system?
Not: How do I insert myself into this conversation?
Real allyship is quiet when it needs to be.
It does not rush to speak over. It does not demand equal airtime in moments that are not about you. It does not treat solidarity as a stage. It shows up before the conversation trends. It speaks even when no one is watching. It holds other men accountable not just in public, but in private, in everyday life.
So yes, the question must be asked:
Are men truly allies or are they only present when it’s time to perform?Because allyship is not measured by how loudly you speak when women speak. It is measured by what you were doing when they couldn’t.
This is not solidarity it is interuption!!!!